[DRay]

It took me 20 years to learn that it was ok to say No.

I used to say yes to every opportunity that came my way. That’s just the way I was raised. But it’s not good advice for neurodivergent people. Rather than learning about what I cared about and following that, I ping-ponged from job to job, never following my own north star. I was following paths that others laid in front of me, and they all ended badly.

When you have ADHD, or many other neurodivergent traits, you can’t fit into just any job. As I struggled, I felt like I was a round peg that would never fit into a square hole. Once I got diagnosed, and after a lot of self reflection and therapy, I realized I was the square hole, and I had to choose a job that fit me.

That realization gave me something I’d never had before: the power to say no.

The first time it happened was during one period of unemployment. I was in final negotiations for a job that I realized that I didn’t want. It wouldn’t have fit me, and because of that I wouldn’t excel at it. It would just end up as another in a long list of failed jobs. So, I said “no, thank you.”

It was terrifying because I had a family and no job, but it was also liberating. It was my first time being intentional about matching myself with my career. Soon afterward I was rewarded with a job that fit me.

If you’re neurodivergent and struggling to find your footing at work, the problem probably isn’t your effort. It might be the fit.

Have you ever turned down an opportunity because you knew it wasn’t right for you?

• This topic was modified 6 days, 21 hours ago by DRay.
• This topic was modified 6 days, 21 hours ago by DRay.

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